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  • Writer's pictureJasmine N. Tucker

Unrealistic Expectations

It is very easy to get frustrated with people when they do not meet your expectations. A lot of people come into your life because you allow them to be in your space; you allow them to inhabit your presence because you believe that they are going to add to your life and not take away; you also believe that they will have your best interest at heart. However, you can’t directly and consciously think that every person around you (every friend, every family member, every coworker) will treat you the same way you will treat them. Will share the same perspective and will have the same values and beliefs and will do things the way that you would do things.


But we fail to realize that our friends, family members, associates, coworkers, and children are all human. Which means that they are flawed and capable of making mistakes. So with that in mind, we unconsciously take the risk of getting our feelings hurt when we place high expectations on man. Every human will not meet every need and every expectation. However, we still set these unrealistic or extremely high expectations for man to accomplish, but in actuality, we truly only sent them up for failure. The first moment they fail and not meet our expectations, we place them in the category of not being good enough. Now, I understand expectations are essential when forming relationships because it creates boundaries; however, expecting everyone to duplicate what we would do with our unrealistic expectations will actually hurt us more in the end.

What are we searching for?

For example, in certain conflict or situations, I use to expect my friends to handle conflict the same way that I would: let it die down, have a gentle conversation, express our feelings, agree to disagree, and move forward. But some people are not as direct and open as I am. Because I did not respect that of others, I would think people were fake and did not care as much as I did to resolve the conflict. But in actuality - they needed more time to process. I cannot fault them for that because that is who they are. Now, if they were slandering my name in the process of waiting, then sisssss we have a problem. But if they are truly needing time to reflect, then give them the space they need to be their best self in moving forward.

We must understand the importance of meeting people where they are. When we set these unrealistic expectations for people, not only do we hurt them, we also hurt ourselves because we attempt to live in a “fairytale lifestyle” that we feel goes only one way and one way only. That segues into understanding the difference between what we can control and what we cannot control. We cannot control what people do and how they respond, we can only control how we react to them. With that in mind, we should focus on setting realistic expectations and boundaries that supports and enhances the energy we desire to live in, instead of placing unrealistic expectations that man could not meet to please us.

We cannot control the wind, but we can direct the sail.
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