TRUST within FRIENDSHIPS
When you meet someone and create a bond with them - you focus on the future of that friendship. You dream of sleepovers, shopping times, sharing secrets, maid of honor in your wedding, etc. You put that very imagination of what a friendship entails in your mind because that is what you desire. But - the one simple thing that can be a beauty and curse to your friendship is trust.
When I think of trust, I think of placing my heart, my life, and things I value in the hands of someone knowing they will hold the same value and respect I have towards me and keep things between us. Trust can be broken down in a few ways. I am not the expert in this, but I know what it’s like to be betrayed by trust and valued by trust.
People trust friends will always keep their word.
Nobody likes a liar. If you said you would do something, then follow through with it. This shows a friend that they can trust you’ll always be a person of your word. If you cannot follow through, a friend trusts that you can be honest and humble enough to meet them where they are.
People trust friends will always be there for them.
When I am sick, going through a break-up, celebrating a new job or accomplishment, or struggling with family and finances - I expect my friends to hold me up when I can’t do it by myself. Through love, words of encouragement, quality time, acts of service, gift giving (whatever your love language is). If I need my friend for anything, and my friend cannot be there for an inexcusable reason, my trust with them is now broken because those expectations were not met.
People trust friends to keep their business private and not talk in the streets.
Now this is a big one that society places “trust” on in friendships. If I share something with friend X, I do not want person Z to know because it is my business. If I share something in confidence or as venting to a friend, I do not expect my friend to share my vulnerable information to anyone else. That can break trust because moving forward - how am I going to know you will not do that again? If you cannot share things with friends, it is hard to build a bond because that trust is not there. That friend can become an acquaintance real quick. The only time this is okay - is if you are married and you share somethings with your significant other because that is a part of a union. However, your partner needs to respect you and the trust you have with your friend to not speak on that manner. Some will agree. Some will disagree. Like for me - I had a situation where a friend’s boyfriend made a mockery of something I shared in confidence with her, so of course I was upset. I had to approach her and let her know what’s up because it crossed the line of trust and respect. So just hush lol.
People trust friends will always be honest with them.
Honesty is a key character trait that every person in this world desires. A friend should be honest about themselves, their life, their friends, and other things. Because I trust you, I know that you will keep it one hunddred with me. If I am being rude and unaware of it, I trust my friend to check me (with grace and wisdom of course) so that I can be more self-aware. If I put the wrong outfit on or my leave-out isn’t blending with my weave, or something simple as spinach in my teeth --- I expect you to boss up and tell me because I trust you enough to be honest with me at all times. Even when I may not want to hear the truth because sometimes the truth hurts, I still expect honesty with love and compassion because you have my best interest. Let’s say ya man cheated and your friend spotted him, your friend needs to go to the Lord and pray for wisdom on how to address that to you. Because a real friend don’t want you out there looking stupid, ya know? Honesty becomes the eyes in the back of your head that your friends can see. The ears you do not have. Your friend’s honesty will be a covering for you! So as their friend, they are trusting you to cover them. Covering them comes with patience too (oooooo this is good - preach girl!). Sometimes you cannot jump right into a “Come to Jesus” session because your friend may not be ready for that. So assess your friend, their life, your life, and the situation with wisdom before you spill the tea. Honesty is key!
People trust their friends to be real and one hunned’ with them!
Do not build a friendship off of a fake person because you want to be loved and accepted. Be yourself!!! It is nothing worse than having a friend and finding out they are a total fraud. Be yourself sweetie *snaps in a circle three times* Everyone wants to be accepted - but first before wanting the acceptance of others, you must know who you are to truly build trust. It’s reciprocal. Do not expect 100% when you dishing out 80%. Gotta be real on both ends.
There are so many things that focuses on trust within friendships and they go far more beyond my personal five points. However, my five points are vital to me through my past experiences. Ultimately, know that trust does not build over night. It took about 40 years to build the Berlin Wall in China, but it can take one earthquake 28 minutes to tear it down. So choose your friends wisely, be patient when building your trust so it can withstand the earthquakes in life!