THE UGLY IN ASSUMPTIONS
Y’all - I feel so convicted writing this. Yet, I feel so aware as well. So leave your attitude, preconceived notions, and “assumptions” on the home screen before you read this one because honey - this is some real, gasping tea.
I consider myself a very detailed, analytical person because I over-analyze literally everything. With my over-analyzing self, I begin to form assumptions because I choose to believe what I want to believe. A lot of the time, I have to ask my close friends or family members (people that I trust and who knows me) for clarification to make sure I am not trippin’ or to make sure I am not assuming the wrong thing. Typically, after I make an assumption - it is a snowball effect. I make the assumption, 95% of the time I address my assumption/problem, critique my analysis, and bluntly express my opinion whether it was asked or not. In result, the situation is brushed off or there is a fall out behind it. That is typically how it goes!
Here's an example: I am often thrown in multiple group text messages with a lot of my friends, co-workers, and associates. Because of that, I am always dealing with different personalities on a daily basis. Anyways - me and my friends were discussing some plans for the weekend, and it became a tad bit hostile (well I thought so lol). I assumed that one of my friends were being extremely extra and sarcastic for no reason. So my response was a tad bit rough based off of my assumptions. Following my response, it went downhill from there.
This snowball effect is not a good effect guys - I repeat - this is not a good effect
In retrospect, my friend assumed I was being extra and sarcastic as well. So now we are both assuming we were being rude, extra, and sarcastic towards one another. Because of that, we were being shady, distant, and honestly - not friends, to one another. Typically I am the friend to address everything but I let this one go because I did not have the patience for. So this tension between grew uncomfortably thick over the next few days all because of assumptions. Eventually I opened the door of conversation, and we were able to hash things out. Now things are back to normal.
The tension, the silence, the distance, and the bad behavior between us all could have been avoided if we would have never assumed, but rather addressed the concerns.
I realize that I am never going to change being a detailed, analytical person; however, I can change how I choose to respond and react towards my assumptions.
It is not healthy to assume things (especially if it is something negative), hold it in, and take it out on other people. A lot of the time, what you assumed is typically not the real truth. It is “your” truth but it is not THE truth. When you place your perception in front of reality, sometimes you blind yourself from being open, vulnerable, and willing to see the bigger picture.
Assumptions also bring about distance, attitude, and resentment between people and situations. I believe this to be true because sometimes we keep our assumptions to ourselves. I am all about healthy confrontation and dialogue, but a lot of people shy away from confrontation for various reasons. Because of that, they let resentment creep in and tension build over time. It can become draining. Assumptions can drive you crazy because you walk around so long with a chip on your shoulder or wandering thoughts about what could possibly be the truth. So it is important to always communicate. It may not be right away, but at some point, communication concerning your assumptions for clarity is important.
Life is bigger than the lenses we view out of. Therefore, it is always great to gain an understanding on what you are assuming, so you can walk away from situations with a broader perspective, well-rounded understanding, and hopefully some compassion. The beauty in assumptions - you are always alert, conscious, and detailed. People who assume things sometimes are trying to weigh options, look at different variables concerning their issue, or could simply be sensitive.
Either way it goes - understand that you are human. Everyone’s perception may not align with yours, and you must be willing to accept it. You don’t have to agree, but you must accept it to keep “ugly assumptions” from destroying relationships, conversations, and interactions.