The beauty in SINGLENESS
Every year on the 14th day of February, a sense of joy floats through the air because it is the day America celebrates as the day of love. Not only do we see the sappy couples wish each other a Happy Valentine’s Day, we see the little children throwing parties at school, parents buying teddy bears for their little daughters, and even restaurants sending out promo codes for dinner for two. All of that sounds and looks great to your regular, schemegular couple. But for a single person (widows included), it can come across as the worst day ever.
It is extremely easy to feel alone, unwanted, and pretty much invisible as a single person - especially on Valentine’s day. But I just wanted to encourage my lovely brothers and sisters on why singleness is not a curse, yet it is a beauty and blessing wrapped up in a bow full of favor.
Last year I was introduced to the ‘Relationship Goals’ series by Pastor Michael Todd of Tulsa, OK (click on his name for the link to the series: I highly recommend you buy dinner for one or with your friends and watch this series soon). Anyways, his eight-part series truly focuses on the person as one then leads into people becoming one. I loved this series so much because it was such a refreshing and eye-opening message to why we should enjoy our singleness. From his series and my personal experiences, I want to encourage you on a few things that you should be viewing your singleness in.
Being single is beautiful because...
You are able to find yourself and learn who you are. You cannot enter into a relationship with insecurity and identity issues within yourself. We are human; therefore, we are naturally flawed. But through our flaws, we yet have to know who we are. Pastor M. Todd spoke on seeking validations. Do not jump into a relationship seeking validation from man when your validation in who you are should only come from God. Take this moment to seek God for validation in identifying who you are as a person. “When you do not know you, you won’t pick right because you will pick what you THINK you want and have no basis on it because you have not had the time to figure YOU out” - M. Todd. So take time to figure you out. You will get there, I promise.
Once you identify who you are, you are able to walk in your purpose. Walking in your purpose allows you to become whole. Jesus and Paul are perfect examples of this. They walked in their purpose serving God and fulfilling what God had for them through their singleness. Your purpose comes from self-identity and being secure in who you are and what God wants for you. Careers may change. Goals may shift. But your purpose - will always be set in stone if you allow God to gift it to you!
No husband/women = no obligation to anyone else. Now if you have kids, I understand your main focus and priority is to your kids. Take care of ya babies, baby muvas and fathas. But (excuse my ebonics) for you people with no man or woman ANNNNDDD no kids ---> you have the right to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE with no obligation in pleasing anyone else. You wanna catch a flight? Do it! You want to take that job that seems a little risky, but God blessed you with it? Go for it! You have nothing holding you back. It is easy to allow family and friends to hold you back because of your inner obligation to be there for them, but you will have the rest of your life to be that ‘person’ for your future spouse and kids. But until that day comes, live ya best life with no regrets!
You control the pace at which you want to go. My parents got married and had kids at an early age. While they do not regret it, they (along with almost every seasoned married couple) always encourage me to take my time, not to rush into it because of what people say, and to simply - enjoy me. When you are in your 20s, you are in the pre-prime stage of life. God’s timing is the best timing, but until his timing comes - don’t rush the process. Be still, basque in your present moments, and thank God for what he is going to do.
You have options. Since we are figuring out who the heck we are, we have options. Now, a lot of you guys who are pushing 30 or you are right over that 30 hump, you’re probably like aht aht aht, I do not want to hear that. But you guys are truly in your prime. Although it seems like your time will never come, you have options to truly see who is for you. Remember, a man that finds a wife finds a good thing. That man who was dealing with daddy and mommy issues and self-esteem issues as a young 20 something will mold (if he allows God to do it) into that grown and mature man that can HANDLE you. Key word: handle you. Not every man and woman can handle all of that sauce God has graced you with, so why settle for someone who can’t even begin to understand all that you possess? Or better yet, why force someone to match that list you made of what man you want to marry when they are simply not the one - they are not the match? What God has for you is for you! Have fun in your options. Date! Have fun! Mingle!
Sometimes you may get lonely and long for a companion who will treat you just right and better - but don’t knock your singleness. Learn to appreciate it. Social media is such a doozy and can make you feel like you are nothing if you do not have anyone to share life with (comparison kills, y'all) , but understand that YOUR time is coming. Family may even ask you every holiday, “when are you getting married?”, and you may hit them with that same eye roll and say “in God’s timing”. But you owe no explanation to anyone because it’s all facts and no cap - everything will happen in God’s timing. Soooo in the meantime, live ya best life, surround yourself with other single, like-minded folks, surround yourself with married couples for wisdom, and love on yourself every moment you can.
Happy Valentine’s Day my lovely people. Take ya self out to dinner, order in, grab you a good movie, game, some good company, and appreciate life for what it is.
Peace, love, and hair grease - xo, jae.