• Jasmine N. Tucker

Non-Negotiables


During my season of reshaping, redefining, and rediscovery - I’ve realized that there are so many things that I have tolerated in my life that I should have erased a long time ago. Out of the easy spirit of content and complacency, I allowed people, situations, circumstances, and even some people’s energy to be tolerated. I consider myself to be a pretty selfless person. I will give my last just so my loved ones can have it. I will sacrifice my happiness and joy just so others can have a smile on their face. I would lose sleep at night due to restlessness just because I am trying to carry burdens that do not even belong to me. After going through some mental, emotional, and spiritual evaluations - I had to finally say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

I will always be a selfless person, but I need to learn to be selfish at times for the sake of my own peace, sanity, and energy. The toxic people I use to tolerate in my presence out of comfort - goodbye to you. The draining, sleepless nights I use to deal with because of other people’s burdens - goodbye to you. The overdone time and money I have sacrificed to help others while I struggle on my own - goodbye to you. I will always be there to help, but like the saying goes “I cannot pour from an empty cup”. How can I sacrifice time and money when I have none to give? How can I “manage” to be around certain energies when I have no energy to give? It is impossible! I cannot do that and keep my sanity at the same time. So I decided to develop a list of non-negotiables that I expect from my relationship, my friendships, my career, and from myself! Non-negotiables are values, standards, desires, and beliefs that I will stand flat foot, solid on no matter what anyone says, what anyone thinks, or what anyone believes!


  1. I will not allow anyone who is against my family or close friends to encounter my presence or my space.

  2. I have to start studying (not just reading, but studying) the word of God outside of my daily devotionals, Sunday morning sermons, and Wednesday night bible study.

  3. I will not marry a man who does not believe or serve God. Periodt.

  4. I need stability and consistency. If you are in a relationship or friendship with me - I do not do the roller coaster stuff. That is the quickest way for me to dip.

  5. Authenticity. If you cannot be real with me in every aspect of my life - I feel a lack of trust and loyalty, and I cannot roll like that. So be real with me or don’t be involved with me at all.

  6. I will practice gratitude everyday for personal, spiritual growth!

  7. I will surround myself with people who are goal driven and want more out of life. Everyone will not be on the same level, but if you are working towards something - that ignites passion in me when I feel like giving up. I need that kind of energy.

  8. Honesty. I cannot stand a liar. I need honest people around me. Honest, accountable friends, family, co-workers, colleagues, etc. It helps me grow and eventually grow to trust you.

  9. I will learn how to say no sometimes and not feel bad for it. I cannot do everything and go everywhere, so sometimes my no will help me say yes to myself.

  10. I have to take at least one day out of the month to pamper myself because I deserve it. Balancing being a teacher, graduate school, church obligations, and family/friends - I need a break to myself!

  11. I will not allow people to place me in the middle of their mess. In counseling, we call that triangulation. I can be a bystander for accountability, wise advice, and comfort - but I am not a part of the drama/mess. I am protecting my peace.

  12. Respect. I will always and forever respect myself and will demand (not demand, but expect) respect from others because if anyone cannot respect me - they cannot be a part of my life. If I cannot respect myself - I cannot fulfill the duties of my non-negotiables.

Although my list could have been longer, I understand that in this season in my life - there are somethings I cherish more than others….and that is my peace. So if I have to constant reflect on my non-negotiables to run checks and balances with myself and everyone around me, I will do so just so I can make sure I am living in the level of peace I desire. So I challenge you to make your own list of non-negotiables. Make sure you can access them at all times so you too can check your peace!

Take-aways:

It is okay to be selfish at times.

It is okay to say no.

Develop a list to stand firm on your standards and beliefs.

Protect your peace!

xo, JNT

#truth #process #accountability #real #emotional #patience #selfcare #selflove

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