Marriage: What's The Rush and What's The Delay
Marriage is a beautiful thing. It is something most people desire to accomplish in their life. I say accomplish because a lot of people in my generation feel as though it is a checkbox on a list instead of a lifestyle. Some people view marriage as securing the bag instead of following God’s will. Some people view marriage as a gateway to other things in life. However, do we ever view marriage the way God intended us to view marriage? I am not married (so don’t get to judging me), but to my understanding through God’s word, marriage is sacred. Marriage is holy. Marriage is a covenant with God as the head. These are a few things that I have read in the bible myself and have been taught by leaders. Of course, when I get engaged, I will go through premarital counseling and dive deeper into that subject. But my purpose of this blog is to ask two questions: What’s the rush? and What’s the delay?
In my family, I have every elderly person asking me two things:
1. When am I going to get married?
2. Once I get married, when am I gonna start popping out babies?
Like, these are two bold questions I get asked consistently by people and I always roll my eyes with a grin on my face and respond “in God’s timing”. Do not get me wrong, I am a person who loves love, and I cannot wait until that day comes where I can say “I Do” and build a future with my boyfriend. However, marriage is not the only thing on my mind at this point in my life. There are two different types of people in my generation: the “what’s the rush” kinds of people and the “what’s the delay” kinds of people.
*disclaimer: I cannot speak for the entire population of generation because I am one person; however, I can speak on my opinion based off of experiences and observations.*
What’s The Rush?
The people in this category are focused on their career, self-image, education, businesses, etc. Whatever is their steak and butter in their life, they are focused on it. People within this category may desire to be married and may not want to get married at all, but it is not their focus in life. Some people want to graduate from college first, land that big time job, or solidify a foundation before becoming one with someone else. Some people in this category may have witnessed failed marriages or never witnessed a marriage at all. Therefore, they push it off out of fear and lack of hope that they can “survive” a marriage. Some people in this category may battle with low self-esteem, identity issues, trouble understanding their self-worth. There are people who feel as though they are inadequate to being a part of a marriage.
There are so many factors that can go into this category, but understand that if this is you - then you are okay! A lot of younger marriages or marriages in their 20/30 year of marriage may give advice to wait. I’ve had so many people share their experiences on why waiting is important. You do not want to marry someone for the wrong reasons. You do not want to marry someone who has a secret identity hidden that you did not take the time to learn about. You do not want to marry someone struggling and barely making it and pray that the marriage will provide you stability because it could possibly do the opposite. Check your reasoning, seek God’s face CONTINUALLY, and understand that you can wait until God says otherwise.
What’s the Delay?
People within this category may not see the point in waiting to get married. They may have someone they’ve been dating/courting, and they are waiting to take the next step. Some people may not be dating at all, but they are on a prowl to date because they want to build a family. Also, it is important to understand environmental and cultural factors in this category. Different cultures, ethnicities, races, and SES levels may have a different perspective towards marriage. When my grandparents were growing up, it was common to get married at 17/18 years old. Their generation and their parents did not see the point in waiting around for marriage, so sometimes that mindset would trickle down into my generation and their desires. Some people may be crowded living with a ton of people and know that marriage could be their one-way ticket out of their family. Environmental and cultural factors are something to consider, but something you do not have to conform to.
If I keep 100 with y’all, some people will ask “what’s the delay?” because they could be itching to satisfy sexual pleasures, so they want to engage in any activity as a married person to make sure they are “doing it right”; but, honestly may not have the willpower to wait and withstand the temptation. Some people prefer to married as soon as the opportunity presents itself because it may be a better fit for them, such as: living together, combining finances, they are getting older, their baby-timer is ticking, etc. Again, there are so many factors that could play into this category.
Ultimately, whichever category you fall into - understand that IT IS OK! Do not let society or people pressure you to be something you are not, do something you are not ready to do, and follow a trend that is not in the will of God. Understand that at age 23 you may be asking yourself “what’s the rush?”, and by age 26 you may be asking yourself “what’s the delay?”. And it could be the complete opposite for you. Whatever it is, know that IT IS OK for you to change your desires. You are not conformed to a category or subject to a box. You are at liberty to desire what you desire no matter what people say, think, or feel. Follow God’s will, follow your heart, use wisdom in your decision making, and be true to yourself.
So ask yourself now, “what’s the rush?” or “what’s the delay?”. Please leave your experiences, opinions, testimonies, advice, etc in the comment section. I’d love to hear your thoughts!