I guess I’m just not that good enough...

Growing up in a Holiness church, I was taught that pants were a sin - so I only could wear skirts and dresses as a young girl. Due to that, I use to feel insecure as a elementary student because I didn’t look like everyone else. And it wasn’t just the pants that set me a part - ultimately, I stood out. I was different. I AM DIFFERENT. I never could honestly fit in. The skirt dilemma was just a noticeable thing I wanted to point out, but I really felt like man, why can’t I fit in with the crew? I guess I’m just not that good enough...

Late elementary and middle school rolled around. I had a good best friend at the time, but we were polar opposites that believed differently but because I was so young - I never paid attention to that. I just enjoyed her company but still couldn’t understand how My best friend was “popular” and I yet wasn’t “good enough”. That mentality transpired into high school. Fortunately, I begun to gain confidence in not fitting in with the crowd because I no longer cared and finally accepted the fact that I was different. I heard it all of my life, but I finally embraced it. But unfortunately, I still had moments were I didn’t feel good enough. Boys never viewed me as “dating” material because I was just homegirl/best friend status. My so-called friends at the time didn’t feel the need to share certain things about their life with me because I wasn’t like them or they felt as though I “wouldn’t understand”. Even through my confident stance - I yet felt “not good enough” time and time again. I was constantly being singled out and overlooked. It was if I was below them. Didn’t match their standards. But when God really began to bless me and elevate me past the dirt I was surrounded by, I was able to see that THEY were not good enough for me. When I say “THEY”, I’m not just referring to my old, seasonal friends. But the guys around me were not good enough. The environment I forced my unique self to be in was not good enough….because I was enough. I AM ENOUGH.

Every guy couldn’t approach me because I knew my worth at an early age. I just had to finally accept that it wasn’t me. I was more than good enough all along. They just were not for me. Even when I felt certain friends I had around me were different than me, I had to learn that I’m more than good enough. I didn’t need to fit in or be popular or feel like I belonged because I was above that mentality.

As an adult, there are moments when I would question my career stance, love life and financial status on why I’m not where I desire to be yet - and it’s not because I’m not good enough. It’s because it’s not my time (that’s another blog because so many people push God’s timing for their own personal gain - mhm too good). We’re more than good enough. God has chosen us for things in life we don’t qualify for (shout out to pops, Pastor Tucker of Inspired People of Deliverance for that sermon). Stop looking at the qualifications as a measure of your worth. You’re worth it all. You’re more than enough. Don’t settle for anything less because you’re golden. Believe that for yourself and it’ll make all the difference.

xo, JNT

#confidence #faith #love #selflove #selfconfidence #movingforward #winningseason