I have recently been feeling disconnected from some of my friends, some of my hobbies, and some of my passions in life. I can never put my finger on why but it has been a very uncomfortable feeling. I am currently in the season of job searching, approaching my final year of graduate school, and managing my personal life all at once. It is a lot going on, but I just find myself not presently living in the moment. I do not talk to certain people like I use to. I do not do some of the things I use to. I catch myself wanting to sleep all the time and be a homebody - and if you know me, you know that is not who I am lol. Although I am still the same Jasmine, I view this period of life as growing pains.
Now, let me be clear - I am not losing myself lol. I am still goofy, outgoing and friendly. I am confident, secure, and sure of who I am and whose I am. But during growing pains, sometimes I can find myself being different because my mindset is in a new zone. During growing pains, sometimes I can become unsure of the people around me, my purpose, and the circumstances I am dealing with.
One minute you are waiting to get engaged, the next minute you are starting all over again. One minute you are sure of the job you will have next, the next minute you have no idea how you will pay your bills next month. One minute you’re kicking it with friends every weekend, the next minute you are barely talking to them. Nothing bad has occurred, but a shift has come. A shift in your purpose. A shift in your journey. A shift in your relationships. A shift in your finances. A shift in your career. A shift has come. God is telling me, daughter not right now. No daughter, I do not want you focusing on that so come sit over here for a while. Come talk to me more. Come worship and focus on me more. Take your mind off of your plans and come find out the will I have for you. No daughter, that is not the job for you. I know it seemed like a perfect fit but I am blocking it for your good. No daughter you can not hang and talk to your friends/associates right now because I am cooking up something great inside of you that cannot be tampered by anyone with secretive, negative and envious feelings towards you. No daughter it is not your time to get married because you have not become whole in me yet. God is not saying no to punish me, but to block the things I did not know would harm me. God is not saying no to neglect me, but to protect me from what I think is for me! God is not saying no to push me away, but simply to draw me closer. His no’s are really yes’s. Yes to his plans. Yes to his will. Yes to a better future. Yes to better relationships. Yes to a better job. Yes to stability. Yes to HIM!
God is wanting me to grow differently. I was growing in a stagnated place. I watered when I felt like it. I positioned myself in the sun when it was convenient for me and my desires. Over time, I had weeds growing out of my side. It was taking away all of the nourishment my roots were trying to provide for me. During growing pains, you go through that. You deal with the weeds. With the improper balance of treatment on your plants. But when God steps in, he will re-position your roots and shift you to a place where you need to be so nourishment can occur to flourish. So strength can occur. So growth can occur. You may miss out on somethings or some people when the shift takes place, but in the end - it will all be worth it.
So embrace your growing pains. In the words of Cardi B - “turn all of your L’s into lessons”. Realize that your growing pains are not punishments but are stepping stools to a greater destiny. You may lose people along this journey. You may miss out on opportunities you thought were for you, but was not in the plan of God. But as long as you do not lose YOURSELF and remain rooted in your faith - you will be okay.